Valentine's Day. A day for many, filled with expectations. For others, mainly single people, it's a day that some dread because they feel it is a reminder that they have not yet found their soul mate. Whatever your feelings on the 14th of February, I would like to offer my perspective.
As you know, I have been married for more than 20 years. There have been times during those years when my husband did not meet the expectations I had for the holiday. It was kind of strange because it seemed to vary from year to year; one year I might get candy and a card and the next year, he did nothing. This past week I saw many posts on Facebook with women proclaiming they think the day is "stupid" or "over commercialized" all the while claiming they don't need a day set aside for their husbands to proclaim their love. I have, at one point or another, heard the same thing from my better half. And this is what I think about THAT...
I am not a materialistic woman. I don't need expensive gifts; please don't anyone EVER buy me a pair of diamond earrings or a pricey necklace! When my hubby and I were dating, sometimes he would stop by the store and buy me one of those little boxes of chocolate milk because he knew I loved it so much! A couple of times he stopped by a field and picked me a handful of wild flowers. I adored those flowers more than a $50 bouquet of roses from a florist. Why? Because the effort, the time and thought put into it meant more to me than the amount of money he spent. But let me tell you what happened. Baby #1, baby #2, baby #3 and baby #4 happened! Then they started growing...date night was pretty infrequent because by the time you paid a babysitter, there was little money for dinner or a movie, forget both in the same night! We needed diapers more than I needed chocolate milk! As for time, which everyone knows is far more precious than money, there was little of that left over as well. As the children all became school aged, we were spread between homework, carpool, ball games, ball practice, piano lessons, cheer practice, etc etc etc. Even though we proclaimed our love for each other on a daily basis, the sweet little gestures seemed to fall by the wayside. We were in the middle of raising four young children and that took all of our resources. Valentine's Day became a big deal. It was the one day (besides our anniversary) when we made sure we got a sitter, saved money for dinner and perhaps a small gift for each other. Did it mean that we did not love and care for each other the other 364 days of the year? No. Did it mean that we didn't show it in small, simple ways? No, of course we did. But this was the day to do something special, unique.
My husband didn't always understand how important this was for me. I remember a Valentine's day when he didn't even acknowledge it with a card. I was heartbroken. I was spending all day, everyday, taking care of children, changing diapers, transporting kids to and fro and while I loved my life, I really didn't think it was too much to expect my husband to take that one day and make me feel special. So, instead of getting mad at him, I just told him. He honestly did not realize that it was important to me and made the effort after that to do something nice. Usually, it wasn't a big deal, just something small and a card but I loved the message he wrote to me in the card. That was better than any piece of jewelry.
This year he did something completely different. I came home from class Monday night to find a huge Valentine Card on the bed. Ever day this week he surprised with a little something and it made me feel so loved and special. And I really appreciated him going to the effort. All in all, it probably didn't cost him more than $25, but for me, it was priceless.
Now, here is why I chose to write about this today. This is for all the young couples out there who think this day is stupid or unnecessary. Try not to be so rigid in your thinking. There will likely come a time when you are so busy, so strapped for time and money that the days of doing special things for each other all the time becomes a distant memory. Be open to the idea that having a day set aside to make a point to express your love, affection and appreciation might not be such a ridiculous concept. And to the young brides who want their husband to do something on this day, but they don't. TELL THEM! Communicate your expectations and disappointments with your spouse. I've been a young wife who sat back and saw all these other women being showered with gifts and felt left out; as if I wasn't quite special enough for my husband to make even the smallest gesture for me. Always remember that our husbands aren't mind readers and they are built different than women. They don't always understand what is going on within us and sometimes they just need some direction. I have no doubt my husband loved me, but sometimes, he just didn't know how to show it in the way I could receive it. And if you read this and still are convinced you don't need a day set aside for your spouse to show he loves you, then I am happy for you. But let the rest of us look forward to February 14th! For some of us, we might not slow down again until then!!
