It's been a long time since I've sat down to write. I have been so busy and while I'm really excited about where I am in my life, this blog was never about keeping you updated on me and my crew. I mean, where's the excitement in that? You all have your own crew to keep up with! I usually only write when something inspires me, a conversation or a thought...apparently, I haven't been very inspired lately! :)
As I have been absent here in recent weeks, my family has been going through some changes. My older two are really involved in college and their own lives. My oldest son moved away for college, so he only comes in on the holidays and my oldest daughter has a circle of friends, her job and her school that keep her busy. All in all, our daily lives look a lot different than they did 5 years ago. On a regular evening, it's not that big of a deal. We all adapt and my husband and I try to keep things as normal and structured as possible for the two up and coming kiddos. But apparently, the holidays are a time when these changes become a little more obvious.
Every year, for as long as as we've had children, we come home on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving and have a cookie frosting party. Always. Even Bill gets involved - and for my sweet Grinch, that is saying something! This year, however, my son is in from school and he is my oldest daughter got together with some mutual friends and went to dinner and a movie. My younger son has some friends who are in town just for the week and he wanted to go play some B-ball with them for a couple of hours. So driving home, it was my and my wee girl, alone. She silently began to weep next to me. "You mean no one is coming home? Just you me and daddy? But mamma, we always frost cookies together the night before Thanksgiving!" she sobbed. It was heartbreaking! "Everything is changing" she continued. "I wish nothing ever had to change, I wish everything would always stay the same." As I sat in the driver's seat, I saw this change through the eyes of an 11 year old. I was thrown back in time to the days when my oldest was 11! We were so entrenched in all of our holiday traditions by then. There was no question exactly how things were going to go, and we all loved it. How sad for someone so young to feel like all of that is being snatched away. It became very obvious to me that a huge responsibility was resting on my shoulders.
As we drove and she cried, I explained that life is all about change. Things are always going to be changing, people moving on, people moving out. But I told her that we can create new traditions for the rest of us. We began to wrack our brains for ways she would like to begin filling in some of the empty space where old traditions were and replace them with new ones. It was an amazing conversation. We stopped at Sonic and got milkshakes -- I think that's going to be a new tradition! Then we got home and she climbed up on the bar and helped me crumble up the cornbread for the dressing while we just talked about everything. It was beautiful. I asked her if she wanted to frost cookies and turns out, she really wasn't that interested in that tradition. I think she just needed to feel like there was still connection to me and to the holidays. The specific activity was besides the point.
As I pondered all of this through the evening, I realized that this must be something every family goes through; whether you lose someone through them fleeing the nest, or through divorce, or even death. It is imperative for those who are left, that you don't just curl up and wait for the holidays to go away. Especially if there are children left at home who need some normalcy and need to feel like they're as important as the ones who have moved on. Over these next weeks, I'm going to be having lots of conversations with my younger ones and we are going to come together to find new traditions we can create with them.and yet still try to keep up with some of our old ones. Mainly, I want them to know that just because our life is changing and their older siblings are moving on, that THEY are still important and have many years of ahead of new and exciting things to look forward to.
Family is family -- even if your family shrinks, you're still a family! It is important that every member of the family feel they are connected, loved and cherished. Just because you may be missing one this year, don't forget, that you are no less a family!!! Happy Thanksgiving!!
