"Mom, he gave me a ticket for a free car wash...I'm not sure what to do."

When our children are little, we look forward to every 'first.'  If at all possible we make sure we are there for the first smile, first laugh, first tooth, first step...first of everything!  If we come home from a long day at work or a short trip to the store and find out that we were absent during a milestone in our child's life, we feel so dejected. This was a once in a life time experience and we missed it! So we fight and maneuver our way to ensure, to the best of our ability, that this doesn't happen. I remember when my oldest was about to lose her first tooth.  I WANTED to be there! I wanted to be the one to pull it.  I sent a note to her teacher and said to please not let her pull her tooth while she was at school. If I went to the store, I made sure my husband knew that I wanted to be there and he better not pull that tooth while I was gone!!  A little obsessive? Yes, I suppose, but I had not missed anything in her life up to that point and I had no intention of starting! Thankfully, I was there when it was time for that wee little tooth to come out and to the best of my recollection, I haven't missed any of the major firsts of any of my four kids. I was able to stay home with them and every time I experienced a new developmental milestone with my children, I realized how incredibly blessed I was.

Time has passed quickly and that little kindergartner who was anticipating her first loose tooth has become a grown woman; a college student with a job, a car, a checking account.  She is independent and smart and fairly self-sufficient. So, I always find it endearing when she encounters something she has yet to experience and needs my assistance. It is for this reason, when I received a phone call from her yesterday telling me that her inspection sticker was expiring in two days and she didn't know what to do, that my heart just kind of melted a little and I couldn't help the smile that took over my face. Of course, I told her I would go with her and show her where to go and what she needed to do. It was a learning experience; she did not have a her updated insurance card so we had to call her dad and have it faxed over and she had a fun time finding her registration in her less-than organized glove compartment! In the end, she learned something new about being an adult. I then took her to a place to have air put in her tires, another first that she has not had to experience.  I left her there and went on my way to run errands and about two minutes later my phone rang. "Mom, he gave me a ticket for a free car wash...but I've never gotten a car wash before, I'm not sure what to do."  Again, a smile broke out across my face and I patiently explained the procedure. She seemed kind of bashful and embarrassed because of her inexperience but I assured her that we all have to have firsts in order to learn new things. By the end of the day, she was empowered in new ways and next time she needs to take care of some simple vehicle maintenance, she will be very capable! Next week we learn about getting an oil change!

Maybe for some of you, these things seem so small. But, when you've never had to do these things, it can seem daunting. As a mother, my goal is to raise independent, self-sufficient, Christian adults who have good work ethic and are an asset to society. That being said, however, it is kind of sweet when a child who thinks they are so grown and so smart and know SOOO much, still come to you for help with things that to us, seem so simple.  So, to add to all the firsts I never missed, first smile, first tooth, first word, I can now add first vehicle inspection, first tire maintenance and first car wash.  The rewards of being a parents are all around us, in small, seemingly insignificant ways perhaps, but if you look for them, they are numerous!!

"Come here mommy...please, just come here for a moment."

Today I spent hours writing a paper that is due on Thursday. For some people, the idea that I am intent finishing a paper that isn't due for two days, may seem odd. However, for me,not having an assignment completed with only two days to spare before an assignment is due is a travesty!!!  I typically have everything written at least a week before the due date, so I was feeling behind and quite frankly, considered myself to be something of a slacker.  For this reason,  when my daughter got home from school, I greeted her briefly and said "I have to finish this and then we can relax tonight," then I went back to my computer. I did feel a modicum of guilt over my hasty retreat from her presence, but in my mind, I had a great excuse.

As I got lost in all the psychobabble bouncing around in my head, I became oblivious to the time and to everything going on around me. Suddenly, my wee girl called to my office and said (rather dramatically) "mommy, come here please!"  I asked her what she wanted as I continued to pound on the keyboard. Again she said "mommy, please come here, I need you to see something!" Once again, I inquired as to the emergency.  After a minute, she walked in and came right up to the desk and took my hand off the keyboard and said "please mommy, please come here."  So I pushed away from my computer, feeling pleased with myself for the way the information was flowing out of me and hoping I didn't lose my momentum, and followed my little redhead through the house, wondering what the emergency was. She guided me to the den,  picked up a blanket from the hallway and walked me right over to the couch and said "sit", so, of course, I sat yet feeling slightly befuddled. She bent over and put my legs on the couch, then crawled on my lap and pulled the blanket over us and laid her head on my chest.  OH MY GOODNESS.  My heart just melted right there in my chest and I squeezed my little girl and just sat.  I did nothing, I said nothing, I just enjoyed the moment.

All of my children are precious and I have enjoyed those types of moments with each of them over the years. But, they are all growing up so fast and while I still spend time with my older three, they have all moved beyond the days of crawling up in my lap for some cuddle time. I am so thankful that my sweet girl had the courage to just come tear me away from my work and remind me what is truly the most important thing in my life.  As I write this, I am sitting with my two youngest, watching an episode of Psych and enjoying the quiet house, the pleasant atmosphere, and laughing with my children.  Having the ability to go to school is a blessing, but these kids...there is nothing like spending time with them. I hope I always remember what is truly important. And if I start to forget, I hope one of you will remind me!

"For Pete's sake Sheila, read your own blog!!"

Christmas is my favorite time of year. I love the magic in the air, the secrets under the tree, the Christmas carols we sing at church, Christmas music blaring from my car stereo, my iPod, my computer.  I love spending so much time with my kids, baking cookies, wrapping presents, shopping, watching every Christmas movie they play on TV. I get so giddy, I even see Christmas cheer in the green and red traffic lights! Nothing gets me down, no one, not the biggest Grinch in the world can dampen my spirit. Therefore, it is really not that much of a surprise that I kind of hate to see it all end. I miss my kids something terrible when the time comes for them to get back on that yellow school bus. I miss my hubby when he has to go back to work. Taking down the tree? That's just a Debbie downer right there!!

While I go through all of these emotions every year, they never last for long. I like the concept of a fresh calendar just waiting to be filled, new adventures I have yet to experience, 365 days of the unknown. All of these things are so exciting to me. So that's why this year it has surprised me at how desperately I clung to the old year and reluctantly drug myself into the new. I didn't even hang my new calendar for five whole days!! A travesty!!!   Typically I look forward to the new school term and am so excited about my new classes and all the interesting things that are waiting to be discovered.  But this year, I felt none of that. No motivation whatsoever. I wanted to just stay home, light candles, wear my fluffy socks and warm pj pants and just become a blob. I was ready to quit school and just become a movie critic or a go into some online business; anything that would allow me to never leave my house.  I wasn't depressed, I just was...well...I hate to say it...LAZY!

Now typically, I would never share these thoughts or feelings with anyone. I am really good at giving myself a kick in the butt when I start to get like that, but yesterday, I was talking to a very good friend, my BFF, if you will.  We were talking about everything and nothing then I found myself telling her how unmotivated I was and how tired I was of being in school and living my life around papers and deadlines; class schedules, leaving my family three nights a week. All of this just came pouring out and my friend started feeding my own material back at me. She told me I just needed to change my perspective; that I am so close to being finished, that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Then she looked at me (via facetime) and said "For Pete's sake Sheila, read your own blog!!"  It shocked me and made me laugh. Who am I to give advice or encourage people if I am not willing to swallow a dose of my own medicine? So I humbly listened to one of my favorite people tell me all the things I've told her and I knew it was time to pull up my boot straps, stop whining and  'get 'er done!"  Yes, I did just say that. I'm so ashamed.

Tonight I had my last class of the week and am happy to say I am feeling slightly (slightly) more motivated than I was last night.  I genuinely enjoyed my classes and am getting slightly (slightly) excited about what I'm going to be learning this quarter. But more importantly I am starting to look forward to the new year. This year my husband turns the big 50.  I am sending my oldest son off to college. My youngest son becomes a teenager! My baby girl starts middle school.  My oldest is already in college and I am sure she will face many changes this year as well. And this time next year, I will be getting ready for graduation.  Yes, this is going to be a great year!! I can feel it in my bones!!! Happy New Year everyone!!!