"Why me mom? Why do I have this great life and she has nothing?"

My little girl got off the bus yesterday and walked in the house with tears streaming down her face. Of course, all of my mommy instincts kicked in and I was ready to take down whatever bully caused such pain to emanate from my daughter.  I immediately asked her what was wrong, was she hurt, did she get in trouble, did someone do something to her. Exasperated, she said "no mom, it's nothing like that."  Then I began to relax and took her to my room and climbed up on the bed with her to listen to her tale. She proceeded to tell me about a little girl who rides the bus with her. The little girl was crying on the bus so my daughter asked what was wrong. This young lady told my girl her life story. Her dad had stabbed her mother and killed her a few years ago. She has a little sister (I think she is in kindergarten), whom she takes care of. They live with their aunt who "doesn't treat them very good," their father is in prison and they never see him.  Bawling, this little girl told my daughter she wanted to spend Christmas with her mommy. That she wanted to be with someone who loved her and cared for her.  After my little girl spilled out this awful, heartbreaking story, tears flooded her beautiful cheeks, she looked at me and said "mommy, why me? Why me mommy? Why do I have this great life and she has nothing? Why do I have a mommy and daddy and presents and people that love me and she has no one?"  

Oh my...let's take a minute and consider this question. So many times we hear the statement "why me?" However, typically, it is because someone is lamenting something that has happened to them; something they are experiencing that seems unfair.  It is rare to hear someone ask the question because they see something unfair and awful happening to someone else, but they remain unscathed.  Is it the childlike innocence that my little girl  still possesses? Is it evidence of an inward beauty and love for others that prompted such a gut wrenching expression of sadness?  I honestly don't know, but it broke my heart and made it swell with pride, all at the same time.  What answer can a mother give to this question? And what can we do? My first instinct was to find the little girl, bring her into my home and give her everything she is missing. However, I recognize this might not be a realistic option.  I took my sweet girl's face in my hands and I told her how much I love her heart and her compassion for others. I told her that all we can do is pray for this little girl every day that God will wrap her in his love and give her what she is missing. That he will help her aunt recognize her sadness and make her feel loved, make her feel special. These things all sounded so trivial as I was saying them, but at this point, they are the best that I have. But I can also teach my sweet baby to recognize all the blessings that we have and never take them for granted. To embrace everyone she loves and appreciate them, even with all their faults.

Last night we took our children out to look at lights in different neighborhoods. I have one child who is "too cool' for such nonsense and really wanted to beg out and spend the evening with his friend. I had another child who was just a little snippy with everyone. Another one whose goal in life is to antagonize those around him and one who was feeling upset to her tummy and thought she was going to puke! At various moments during the evening, I wondered what I was thinking: stuffing all six of us into the truck, riding around neighborhoods where no one had chosen to decorate their yards, trying to make this picture perfect evening with a vehicle filled with imperfect people! Then we found this yard. Oh my!! So big and beautifully decorated, with the lights set to a radio station. We pulled over and for about 7 minutes, the car was filled with the sounds of the Christmas season, the faces of all those I love watched in wonder as the light show amazed and astounded them. For seven brief moments, no one was too cool, no one was bickering, no one was threatening to vomit! For seven brief moments I felt a total and complete peace fill the car.  We reluctantly pulled ourselves away from that lovely home and went to a local pizza joint. Around the table there was lots of laughing and joyful celebration. Together, we cleaned off an exorbitant amount of pizza and I was reminded of  how blessed we all are.  Every family has their issues. Every family is imperfect. Every family has the one that is too cool, the one that likes to argue, the one that is snippy, the antagonist and probably, the nauseated one! But, if you have a family that loves you. If you have a family you love. If you have even seven moments of perfect peace with them, you are blessed beyond measure. There are so many out there who would give their right arm for those seven minutes.   So this Christmas, when you're with your great aunt Gertrude who is driving you crazy, or a dozen other family members who make you want to pull you hair out, take a minute and find something wonderful and amazing in those moments, and say a prayer of thanks! Merry Christmas everyone!!!  May you all have at least seven perfect minutes!!

"...um, no it's fine, you're not bothering me!"

Today I went to the Walmart to do some Christmas shopping and came upon a setup in the middle of an aisle. The bin was full of the little wax melts, which are the latest in olfactory enjoyment this season. There was a woman standing there and I said "oh these are so wonderful!" (I have them all over my house, which of course, I informed her.)  She made the unfortunate mistake of saying "Oh, are they?" Well...what was I to do??? So I explained all the different melting pots they have and the ones that plug into the wall, which are a waste of money. Then I informed her that Kirkland has a lot of different scents that are 'to die for'.  I just went on and on...I don't know what was wrong with me. We all know I like to talk, but this was unusual, ever for me.  At one point, I heard myself babbling and I said "oh, I'm sorry for bothering you, I'm just talking your head off!" To which she unwisely responded "Um...no, it's fine, you're not bothering me."  The "um" should have been a red flag to me, but in the state I am in, positively brimming with Christmas cheer, I remained oblivious to her, what was probably obvious, discomfort!

As I went along my day, from store to store, the story was repeated time and time again. On occasion I found a few people who met my enthusiasm with more of their own.  The women at the Subway where I had lunch were so friendly and cheerful, it was refreshing. And the gentleman at Academy also seemed to be infected with the Christmas Spirit.  However, along the way, I came in contact with a Grinch or two, but I was not to be deterred!  The Christmas season is just too short this year and I cannot contain my excitement!  So, if you live in the Shreveport/Bossier area, and you come across a woman who seems positively maniacal with a festive spirit, please just smile nicely and walk away...otherwise, you may end up standing in the aisle listening to that woman talk your ear off about something you find completely uninteresting! Merry Christmas Everyone!!!

"I've waited my whole life for this day!!"

For any of you who have ever raised a teenage boy, or perhaps were one, you will likely be able to relate with this story.  There are so many things you hear about raising teenagers, but when your children are young, it is IMPOSSIBLE to imagine that your precious angel will ever live up to the experiences your friends have had with their children. Then the day comes and you completely understand. It is like someone turned the light on and you saw the reality of what they were talking about. Oh the horror!!!

In all honesty, having teenagers in the house has been one of the most fun experiences I've had as a parent. However, if you ask my husband, he will vehemently disagree with me. Yes, my little darlings have fallen into so many of the stereotypes I had heard about, but knowing that you are not alone and your child is normal, makes it much easier to swallow. One of the things about raising boys that has astounded me, has been their ravenous appetite. I remember when my 17 year old first starting eating me out of house and home.  I was shocked that someone, who was still quite small, could put away the amount of food he did.  It never ceases to amaze me how we can all sit down to eat together and before I can even get food on my plate and pick up my fork, he has already engulfed his entire meal and is going for seconds! He once had a bunch of his football friends over to spend the night, and the next morning, they had literally raided my fridge and pantry. I was in shock - the next time they came over, I stopped by a pizza place, picked up four,  $5 pizzas and some soda. I was hoping a preemptive strike would save my supplies that were supposed to last two weeks!  While that child has slowed down a little on his consumption, my twelve year old son has just started down the same path.

I just recently noticed that it seems impossible to satisfy his never-ending hunger!  I came home the other day and asked him if he had eaten breakfast! (stupid question, I know)  He eagerly bragged that he had one large microwave sausage, then he had cooked two sausage patties, three fried eggs, toast and a yogurt!!  I was in shock!  It then dawned on me that we were headed down a similar path and that I wasn't quite sure I, or my checking account, was ready for another adolescent boy!  The crowning moment that showed me just how important food has become to this rather twiggy twelve year old, came on Saturday. My husband and I were going out to dinner, so it was just my youngest son and my two girls at home. He asked me what was for dinner and I told him his sisters were going to have some chicken strips and that he was welcome to put in a Tostinos pizza.  He looked at me sheepishly and said "can I have the WHOLE pizza? By myself?"  Now this is a question he has asked before, but I always make him share it with his sister. Since she had chosen something else, I said "Sure, just this once, you can have the whole thing."  The sheer joy that spread across his face was something to be in awe of as he exclaimed with overwhelming excitement "I've waited my whole life for this day!!!"   Really? A whole pizza?  Poor kid...who would have guessed I had been depriving him of a lifelong dream!

"Why do you love her more than me?" Said no dog ever! (I hope!)

As I told you in my introduction, we have more dogs than I am comfortable admitting to, however, while it may seem impossible, we love them all to death! They are all very spoiled and well taken care of. That being said, I have to remind my children that they are still dogs and do not have the same privileges we enjoy. They can't eat at the dinner table with us, sorry. They can't eat our food and they're not allowed on the furniture.  Now the latter rule is more recent and has met with some resistance from both the two-legged members of the family and the four-legged ones. Our previous set of furniture was more than a decade old and had holes in it and was basically, in extreme disrepair. The dogs were allowed on that couch. But now, I have a beautiful new set of leather furniture which, if one of the dogs even THINKS about approaching, affords them with a look that would wither a military general!  They seem to be adjusting well, but there is one little exception to the rule.

The exception is a little four pound black angel whose name is Jill. She is mine and mine alone. Jill can do no wrong and is denied nothing, basically.  I should, perhaps, feel a little bad for showing favor for one of my pets over the other, but I can say with total certainty, I do not.  I got her when she was six weeks old; she was the mate for my Yorkie Jack. Jack was my baby until he was hit by a car a few years ago. After that fateful day, Jill and I became best pals. As I write this blog, she is nestled beside me with her head on my leg. I do wonder sometimes though, if the other dogs notice the discrepancy in the treatment. When they look at me with those big brown eyes, are they thinking "Why do you love her more than me?"  Do they cry in their beds at night feeling as if they are less of a dog than Jill is?  Are they secretly plotting among themselves, my demise?  I wonder...

As a mother, I work VERY hard to ensure that I do not show favoritism for one child over the other. However, every now and then, one of my children will accuse me of such. Sometimes the older ones think the we are easier on the younger ones than we were on them. Other times, we're accused of punishing the little ones less than we punished the older ones. Many times I hear that the little ones have more privileges than the older ones had at the same age. From time to time, one will say that I spend more time with one of the younger ones than I spend with them.   On the flip side of the coin, the little ones will accuse me of favoring the older ones and 'taking their side' on a regular basis.   I've even been accused of letting the older ones get away with things they would never get away with.

While these accusations might seem like just adolescent dramatics, I always spend a few moments alone thinking about my actions, going over things and making sure I was fair. A wise friend once said to me "when someone accuses you of something, take a moment and sit with it and see if there is any truth. If there is truth, change it and if there isn't, then just let it go."  That advice has been so helpful to me both in friendships, in my marriage and as a mother. Sometimes, I'm accused of something and after careful introspection, I find there is some truth in it. While it is always disappointing, it gives me the opportunity to grow and improve myself.

One thing I do know as a mother, is that many of the things my children see as unfairness or disparity in treatment,  will someday look much different when applying an adult perspective. I rely on that knowledge to get me through some tough moments.  Another aspect of this, which I try to express to my older children, is that when they were little, we were just starting out on the journey of parenting. There was no rule book, no instruction manual.  Most of the time, we were flying by the seat of our pants and making it up as we went along.  Did we make mistakes? Yes! Were we too hard on the older ones when they were younger? Yes, I think at the time, we were.  Were we doing the best we could with the information we had? Absolutely!  I can't go back and undo the past but I can learn from my mistakes and failures and try to not repeat them.

One thing I know for certain.  Each of my children are amazing and will forever hold a piece of my heart. None of them will ever know how much I love them or what I would give for them.  Now...as for the dogs, yeah, Jill is my girl. There is no question.  Yes, she gets better treatment and I don't apologize for that. And the reason I can get away with this with my dogs and not my children...my dogs don't choose my nursing home!

"You're rich! You've got two different kinds of chips and one dad!"

While watching a show today with my little girl, I heard a statement that really made me think. The premise of the show is a family with three children who barely make ends meet. Their dishwasher can only run while the blow dryer is going, the washing machine is closed with duct tape and the roof leaks. This family never has two nickels to rub together. Then there is another family on the block. We don't know a lot about their financial situation, we just know that the kids are dirty and unruly and the mom is a little on the iffy side. In this particular episode the oldest daughter came in touch with the oldest son of the other family. At one point during the dialogue, the boy says to the girl "you're so rich!"  Astounded at this statement she inquired as to why he thought they were rich and he said "You've got two different kinds of chips and one dad!"  That made me think...how do we define wealth? Is it strictly financial? Or, is it possible that there is a wealth that goes beyond dollar signs.

In the past my children have asked me if we were rich and sometimes they ask me if we're poor.  The first question comes typically the first time they see me write a check or pay an enormously large grocery bill. The second question, I actually get more often and almost always after I have denied them something they believe they "need" but I am quite certain is just a want. I also get that question after they have been to the house of a friend whose TV is bigger than ours or has more than one video gaming system or has their very own iPhone!

I can't help but smile after they inquire as to our financial status that inhibits them acquiring the same 'toys' their friends have.  There are people in the world who would look at us and think we're just poor white trash! Until yesterday my living room furniture had holes in it, my television is only 32 inches, my front porch has spider webs and the white siding on my house needs to be professionally power washed. Then there are people who might think we are rolling in the dough. I drive a Camaro, my house is quite big, my children each have their own room and I just got new living room furniture.  It is all about perspective, isn't it?  Those who have more than us, might think we are lower than them while people who don't have as much as we do, might label us 'rich.'

   My husband and I have reached a point in our life that we are comfortable. We have been blessed in many ways, not the least of which is a job that allows us financial stability. However, there have been many years in our marriage when we did not have the income we have today, but did that make us any less blessed?  There were years when we had one car because we could not afford the insurance or gas for two. Years when we didn't have cable and when the thought of internet access in our home was merely a dream.  I have been the coupon queen, I have counted my pennies and made us live on a strict budget. But...were we poor? We never sat by the bedside of a child and watched them suffer. We never lost our house in a fire. We never struggled through the pain of divorce.   I think that financial blessings are only one facet of the ways in which we are enriched in our lives. I have been given four beautiful children who have never suffered any major physical or emotional problem. My husband and I have been married 22 years and still love each other and have a good time together. I have been given the ability to go back to school and get an education. Our kids are smart and funny and love the Lord and desire to live by the values and morals we have raised them with. We have great friends and family that we love. Our blessings are too numerous to count and many of them have nothing to do with how much money we make.

As we go through this Christmas season, maybe we could all take stock of the riches we have that are not related to our checkbook. Some of you might be dealing with a great loss, some might have lost their jobs and are struggling financially, some may be dealing with health concerns. No matter what you are going through, are there things in your life that you can be thankful for? Is there anyone who loves you and cares about you? Is there anyone you love? Do you have a bed to sleep in? A car to drive?  Do you have two different kinds of chips and one dad?  Maybe you just need a change in perspective...