"But mamma, we always frost cookies the night before Thanksgiving!" She sobbed

It's been a long time since I've sat down to write. I have been so busy and while I'm really excited about where I am in my life, this blog was never about keeping you updated on me and my crew. I mean, where's the excitement in that?  You all have your own crew to keep up with!  I usually only write when something inspires me, a conversation or a thought...apparently, I haven't been very inspired lately! :)  
As I have been absent here in recent weeks, my family has been going through some changes.  My older two are really involved in college and their own lives. My oldest son moved away for college, so he only comes in on the holidays and my oldest daughter has a circle of friends, her job and her school that keep her busy.  All in all, our daily lives look a lot different than they did 5 years ago.   On a regular evening, it's not that big of a deal. We all adapt and my husband and I try to keep things as normal and structured as possible for the two up and coming kiddos.  But apparently, the holidays are a time when these changes become a little more obvious.
Every year, for as long as as we've had children, we come home on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving and have a cookie frosting party.  Always. Even Bill gets involved - and for my sweet Grinch, that is saying something!  This year, however, my son is in from school and he is my oldest daughter got together with some mutual friends and went to dinner and a movie.  My younger son has some friends who are in town just for the week and he wanted to go play some B-ball with them for a couple of hours.  So driving home, it was my and my wee girl, alone.  She silently began to weep next to me.  "You mean no one is coming home? Just you me and daddy? But mamma, we always frost cookies together the night before Thanksgiving!" she sobbed.  It was heartbreaking!  "Everything is changing" she continued. "I wish nothing ever had to change, I wish everything would always stay the same."   As I sat in the driver's seat, I saw this change through the eyes of an 11 year old. I was thrown back in time to the days when my oldest was 11! We were so entrenched in all of our holiday traditions by then.  There was no question exactly how things were going to go, and we all loved it.  How sad for someone so young to feel like all of that is being snatched away. It became very obvious to me that a huge responsibility was resting on my shoulders.
As we drove and she cried, I explained that life is all about change. Things are always going to be changing, people moving on, people moving out.  But I told her that we can create new traditions for the rest of us. We began to wrack our brains for ways she would like to begin filling in some of the empty space where old traditions were and replace them with new ones.  It was an amazing conversation. We stopped at Sonic and got milkshakes -- I think that's going to be a new tradition! Then we got home and she climbed up on the bar and helped me crumble up the cornbread for the dressing while we just talked about everything.   It was beautiful.  I asked her if she wanted to frost cookies and turns out, she really wasn't that interested in that tradition.  I think  she just needed to feel like there was still connection to me and to the holidays.  The specific activity was besides the point.
As I pondered all of this through the evening, I realized that this must be something every family goes through; whether you lose someone through them fleeing the nest, or through divorce, or even death.   It is imperative for those who are left, that you don't just curl up and wait for the holidays to go away. Especially if there are children left at home who need some normalcy and need to feel like they're as important as the ones who have moved on.   Over these next weeks, I'm going to be having lots of conversations with my younger ones and we are going to come together to find new traditions we can create with them.and yet still try to keep up with some of our old ones.  Mainly, I want them to know that just because our life is changing and their older siblings are moving on, that THEY are still important and have many years of ahead of new and exciting things to look forward to.
Family is family -- even if your family shrinks, you're still a family!  It is important that every member of the family feel they are connected, loved and cherished.  Just because you may be missing one this year, don't forget, that you are no less a family!!!  Happy Thanksgiving!!

"I just...I just want someone to love me."

I've been asked by several people lately why I haven't been blogging. I'm not really sure of the answer except to say that I just haven't felt inspired. There are dozens of people who blog every day about the ins and outs of their every day lives. I have never been that type of blogger. I just talk to you when I have something to say. Lately, I've had little to say.
There has been a lot going on in our lives lately and summer was insane. But nothing to write home about, if you know what I mean! My son left for college a few weeks ago and while that was a major milestone for us, I really just didn't want to delve into that on here.  I would start blubbering like an idiot and the ink would smear...OK, just go with me...use your imagination!  Surely we all remember that when you write a letter with an actual ink pen, the ink smears if it gets wet!! Other than that major event, nothing really exciting has happened. Except, that I am now a counselor.  Yeah, that's a pretty big one!
I finished my classes and over the summer began my internship - I now have clients regularly and am working at a hospital in an outpatient treatment program. It has been an extremely exciting time for me; a culmination of 6 years of hard work, long days, endless nights, countless research papers, study guides, flash cards...the list goes on and on. But now that part of life is behind me and I am finally doing what I love to do, something I am incredibly passionate about.
I have been in this new internship site for two weeks now and have been exposed to some of the most interesting and, dare I say, courageous people.  These are some of the most down trodden individuals I have ever come across, however, the majority of them come in with a smile on their face and excitement about the work they are doing. Daily I am faced with the realization that on my worst day, I have way more than most of them have on their best day.  A day doesn't go buy when one of these precious people doesn't tug at my heart strings and remind me why I'm doing what I'm doing.  One person in particular stands out to me this week. He was sharing some of his troubles and things he needs and suddenly he just hung his head and said "I just...I just want someone to love me."  How many times in our lives have we uttered those words?  Probably, pretty rare. .  My life has not always been a smooth ride but I've always had someone that loved me and cared about me.
Every day as I talk to these people and listen to their stories and try to ease their pain, I am reminded of how much I have.  I started to say "how blessed I am," but many of these people believe they are blessed also and say as much on a daily basis.  It makes me want to be careful about using that term in a way that makes it seem as if someone who doesn't have a life similar to mine, is not 'blessed.' So many things in life, so many things we go through and how we deal with those things are sometimes, simply a matter of perspective.  
Today I have a roof over my head, beautiful, healthy children, a strong marriage, a great car, a bright future.  However, if I lost some or all of those things, would I no longer be blessed?  This experience has really made me take stock of what my blessings are and what I plan on doing with them. Are you blessed today?  Can you see around your problems, heartaches and disappointments and see blessings in your life?   I'm working on that...I'm not fully there yet...but I am a work in progress!

"Mamma, who is Alice Rose?"

The other day my little girl, who is now eleven, said "mom, don't be mad, but I need to ask you a question."  Of course, this intrigued me, I can't think of a time I ever got angry because they had something to ask or talk to me about. I am typically, very calm and laid back about most things. So, I was a little worried but said "ok, ask."  She took a deep breath and said "mamma, who is Alice Rose?"  I was stunned; I hadn't heard that name in a long time so I said "Why do you ask?"  She said "I found a box in the top of the closet with her name on it...do I have a sister I don't know about?"  She looked worried and excited all at the same time. I asked her where the box was and we crawled up on the bed and I told her the story of little Alice Rose.  
Back in 1999 we were stationed in Rota Spain and I found out I was pregnant. My older two were 3 & 4 at the time. My oldest, a girl, was SO excited at the prospect of a baby -- she was so sure from day one that this was going to be a sister and no one would ever convince her any differently. In the beginning of the pregnancy, I was excited but also aware that it was early and something could still happen. By the time I got to 10 weeks I was beginning to feel pretty confident that everything was going to be okay. I kept a pregnancy journal, we talked to the baby, sang to the baby, bought the baby clothes and shoes (girl stuff, of course!)  We even bought a car seat/stroller combo which we all put together. Life was perfect.  I was the happiest woman on the planet, truly, and nothing could dampen my spirits.
Until Sept 3...I started spotting.  I went to the clinic on the base where they assured me everything was fine, it was normal, just the baby settling in.  I went home feeling relieved only to wake up the next morning and find that I was bleeding even more. I went in to the clinic again, they did a pregnancy test that showed my levels were very high, great news.  Then they decided to do an ultrasound, just to put my mind at ease.  The doctor did not like what he saw so he paged the OBGYN who took one look at the ultrasound said "sorry, there's no baby there." I was  confused, then obstinate. No way, there was no way the baby was just 'gone.'  I had positive tests results, I was 14 weeks and already had a little baby bump. It was impossible.  So then the doctor explained to me what a molar pregnancy was. When the egg and the sperm connected, one of them was lacking in adequate DNA so what started out as a baby became a tumor. A large mass of cells - a heartbreak. I was shell shocked and devastated and then angry and eventually fell into the deepest "depths of despair"  to quote Ann of Green Gables.  My sweet little girl was also heart broken, she wanted that baby so much.  She asked me if she could name her so I said yes and she wanted to know if it was okay to name the baby after her (hence the Rose) and of course, I assured her it was perfect. And that is the story of Alice Rose.
After I explained all of this to my daughter, I opened the box of keepsakes. The hospital had given me a little box with a poem, and a tiny heart pillow and a tiny gold ring. Bill had brought me flowers in the hospital and I had received numerous cards. The box also contained the pregnancy test and the pregnancy journal I had kept. I read the various entries to my daughter then came up on the entry I had made the day the baby died. I want to share that with you.
      "Today I found out that you no longer exist. Today I feel my heart is breaking. My tears flood but no relief comes. I miss you so much already. I miss the promise of you. The dreams I had for you. Tonight, for the last time, I lay my hands on my still full stomach where you lived for such a short time. I ache to know you and hold you. I am so sorry if I did anything to cause this. I loved you from the moment you were conceived. At this point I don't know if I will ever feel joy again...I miss you so bad...I feel so empty." (The next day, I had a D&C.)
    Wow...I can't even write that without crying but there is a reason I wanted to share this.  I look at the person I was then and everything that has happened in my life since that day. I have since had two amazing children, whom I might not have had otherwise. This miscarriage was a turning point in my life - more of the story that I can't even go into in this blog - but definitely this was a life changing moment for me.  I remember that feeling of emptiness, the feeling that I would never be happy again.  But, that was not to be.  I overcame the depression, the incredible, overwhelming sadness.  I made myself get out of bed every day, I cleaned and cooked and played with my children. Eventually, there were good days peppered in among the bad and eventually, the good ones out numbered the bad. And somehow, my little Alice Rose, became a distant memory. I am thankful for her because without that experience, I might not be the person I am today.
  We will go through heartbreak in our lives...probably everyone reading this knows that by experience. But it won't last forever.  The pain will ease, the bad days will become fewer.  I would be remiss if I did not say how incredible God was to me during this time. He, the Great Comforter, had a plan for me that I could not see. He knew that I needed this loss in my life, for so many reasons I can't even count. He was also there to catch me when I fell.   Nothing in life is permanent, not the good or the bad.  Every day brings new experiences, new trials, new joys.   Embrace all the moments; good and bad.  We don't know God's plan for our life, we don't know where he is taking us.  We just have to have faith that he is in control and he knows what is best for us!  So if you're struggling with heartache - if the pain is so much you don't think you can take it... hold on!!  It won't last forever...put your heart and your faith in the Lord. He will hold you, he will dry your tears like no one else...he truly is The Great Comforter!

Today was my birthday. I know as an adult, I am supposed to have outgrown all the things kids like about birthdays, but I just haven't been able to accomplish that as of yet!  I love presents and I love surprises and I love when someone goes to the effort to make me feel special.  As this birthday was looming, I knew it was going to be different. It fell on a week day and a day when I have class at night.  So, I knew I was going to spend the day by myself and then have to go to class just as all of my family was coming home and settling in. I thought I was okay with that.  I was wrong.

My alarm woke me up at 5:30 this morning and as I rolled over to get out of bed, my husband stopped me. He said "it's your birthday, I've got this." Now, you have to know my husband to realize how big of a deal this is!! He likes his sleep and has been spoiled for a long time and has not had to do this very often. The kids are on a staggered bus schedule, so it is can be a complicated process. Then there is the packing of the lunches, ensuring everyone has their back packs ready to go, keeping any eye out for the bus while the child find their belt, id card, brain...yeah, you have to be a well-oiled machine! Then there are the personalities of the children. I have two that are absolute bears in the morning.  I have learned that they just need space in the morning and are not really capable of conversation at all.  If you do not understand this, things can go down hill very quickly!!  As I laid in bed, I waited for the inevitable discord that would ensue because, well, their dad isn't exactly familiar with the early morning children versus the late afternoon children! Alas, however, the discord did not develop! It was so peaceful, I even fell back asleep! I woke up frantically a little while later and was quite sure someone had missed the bus. And yet, there they were, watching patiently for the bus, all dressed, fed and ready to go, two down and only two left.  I was amazed and impressed with my husband!  I decided to snuggle back into bed and accept the fact that I was dispensable!!

I woke up later in the day and was excited for a quiet lazy morning but as the day wore on, I became kind of bummed. I realized that I was going to spend my entire birthday alone and then when my family got home, I would be gone.  It became such a big deal, I actually found myself wanting to just sit down in a corner and cry!  I felt like the entire day was going to pass and there would be no one to acknowledge my birthday and that nothing special was going to happen. I did not want to pick up the phone and call anyone because it was so pathetic and there was no way I was going to cry on anyone's shoulder!  So, I turned to the one person who is always there for me...the one true friend I can rely on when I feel as if I am all alone.  I prayed for comfort for my ridiculous feelings. I told the Lord how much I loved birthdays and how I just wanted this one to mean something, I just wanted something different to happen...I just wanted to feel special for 5 minutes!!  I asked God to just let something wonderful, no matter how small, to happen.

My 13 year old son came home from school and came into the living room immediately and wished me happy birthday then told me he had a present for me. He pulled a bag of Skittles out of his pocket, an open, nearly empty bag of Skittles. I thought it was so sweet that he was sharing with me then I opened the bag and saw that the candy that was left were all purple and red; my favorite flavors. This young boy had deliberately chosen to NOT eat the ones he knew his mom loved and ate all the other ones. It was my first gift of the day and, quite honestly, the best one.  It was the sacrifice, the unselfishness he displayed.  He made me feel like a princess.

Then my 11 year old daughter came home and immediately hugged me and asked me what I wanted to do before I had to go to school. So we sat together and watched one of our favorite shows and afterwards I told her that I was so sad I had to leave and she looked at me and said "mom, please don't go. Please stay home with us. It's your birthday!"  That was it. I was gone in that moment and decided this was more important than any class.  The way her face lit up when I told her I decided to play hooky was priceless! Knowing that she wanted to spend my birthday with me, knowing it meant that much to her, that made me feel special.

My college aged daughter then came home with bags of goodies in which I was not allowed to look.  She ordered me to stay out of the kitchen for the foreseeable future. They were all in the kitchen for awhile, then they disappeared upstairs for some mysterious reason.  I was in the living room reading when I heard my son yell to me to go to the back patio.  I walked out the door and into the yard and there, on top of the roof of my patio, were three of my children with laundry baskets full of balloons they dumped on my head while they yelled "Happy Birthday!!"  It was precious and made me feel so loved!

My husband then came home and he too, disappeared into the kitchen.  I was once again left alone in the living room until I was led to the kitchen table. There were two cakes...well sort of. On one plate there were 4 Hostess cupcakes loaded with candles. This 'cake' was my husband's idea of a birthday surprise for me. On the other plate was a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting full of candles that my kids had made for me.  They were all 5 just standing there looking at me, so proud of themselves and what they had managed to pull off.  It was the most beautiful sight!  I blew out my candles wondering what a woman wishes for when she has everything in the world.

Today started out kind of gloomy, but ended up being amazing.  I got my birthday present a couple of months ago, so I wasn't expecting anything today. But I really did not need anything big or expensive to make me feel loved and appreciated. A card from my kids in which they tell me how much they love me, my husband letting me sleep late while he took care of the kids, my daughter buying me balloons and making me a cake, my son giving me all of his red and purple Skittles -- none of things cost much as at all, and yet everyone of them were priceless to me.  I'm so thankful the Lord heard the cries of this pathetic, birthday girl and let not one special things happen, but many!  I think I must be the most blessed woman in the world!!

Leave a light on...

Classes started back for me this past Thursday after nearly two weeks off.  The break was amazing; I slept A LOT and caught up on TV shows I had missed and spent too much time watching Netflix! I spent a lot of time with my children and husband; enjoyed family dinners, games, movies. It was incredible. So when the time came for me to go back to school, it was extremely difficult to tear myself away.

On the flip side, I always get excited when classes start back. It is always thrilling to open a new text book, fill my binders with a stack of clean, white paper, print the syllabus for each class, fill out my calendar for the coming weeks...so many things to do and I love each one of them!  I get a little giddy about delving into a new subject and learning something I have not yet learned.  As you can see, this leaves me very conflicted!!

On one side of my life, I have 5 people who love me and depend on me and need me in a thousand different ways. On the other side of my life, I have my education and everything that entails.  Family. School. Two completely different entities, two completely different loves, two areas of my life that don't exactly mesh well! When I'm with the family, I think about school and when I'm in school, I think about everything I am missing at home. Sometimes, especially at the beginning of a new quarter, I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest every time I pull out of the driveway.  Sound a little dramatic? Perhaps, but it is no less real to me. Being a wife and a mother has been the most important thing to me for over two decades. Being a student for the last six years has not diminished that in the slightest. However, as a student, it is not enough to be adequate, I have high expectations for myself and accept nothing less than 100% effort on my part.  So there are many times when I struggle with making sure everything and everyone gets exactly the amount of attention it/they need.  Sometimes, I fail. And unfortunately, I fear that I fail at home.

It is easy to make sure a paper gets written by the due date or that I have sufficiently prepared for a test. It is more difficult to make sure I am available at the exact moment one of my girls is having a meltdown or that I am there when someone needs to break up a fight between the boys. I can't count the number of times I have been on the phone moments before class starts, putting out fires at the house.  I rush off the phone and sit down in class only to be overcome with guilt that I am not there with my family.

As a mother, it is never easy to be torn between two worlds...two passions. We try to be Wonder Woman but, many times we fall short and we wonder if we have it in us to keep up the pace. If we are truly capable of holding it all together.  I have those moments, times when I think the family will fall apart if I'm not there or that I am hurting my family because I am chasing my dreams.  Then I will turn on to my street, tired in mind and soul and I pull up to my house and I see the warm glow of lights in the house and the porch light left on in anticipation of my return. And I get an incredible sense of peace wash over me.  As I walk into the house and hear the quiet, stillness that is present, I realize that everyone is still alive and breathing. Homework is finished, kitchen is clean, dogs have been fed...we are team, my family and I.  We're in this crazy life together and they know I want to be with them, but they understand how important this is to me. And contrary to my fears, no one has killed anyone, no one has ended up in therapy due to my absence, our family has yet to make it on the evening news -- overall, I think that's a pretty good record!  I know that we will make it through this chapter in our lives and move into the next.  And as long as they continue to leave a light on for me, I will always know that I am not alone and everything is going to be just fine.

Let's talk about Valentine's Day!!

Valentine's Day. A day for many, filled with expectations. For others, mainly single people, it's a day that some dread because they feel it is a reminder that they have not yet found their soul mate.  Whatever your feelings on the 14th of February, I would like to offer my perspective.

As you know, I have been married for more than 20 years. There have been times during those years when my husband did not meet the expectations I had for the holiday. It was kind of strange because it seemed to vary from year to year; one year I might get candy and a card and the next year, he did nothing.  This past week I saw many posts on Facebook with women proclaiming they think the day is "stupid" or "over commercialized" all the while claiming they don't need a day set aside for their husbands to proclaim their love. I have, at one point or another, heard the same thing from my better half.  And this is what I think about THAT...

I am not a materialistic woman. I don't need expensive gifts; please don't anyone EVER buy me a pair of diamond earrings or a pricey necklace!  When my hubby and I were dating, sometimes he would stop by the store and buy me one of those little boxes of chocolate milk because he knew I loved it so much!  A couple of times he stopped by a field and picked me a handful of wild flowers.  I adored those flowers more than a $50 bouquet of roses from a florist.  Why? Because the effort, the time and thought put into it meant more to me than the amount of money he spent.  But let me tell you what happened. Baby #1, baby #2, baby #3 and baby #4 happened!  Then they started growing...date night was pretty infrequent because by the time you paid a babysitter, there was little money for dinner or a movie, forget both in the same night! We needed diapers more than I needed chocolate milk!  As for time, which everyone knows is far more precious than money, there was little of that left over as well. As the children all became school aged, we were spread between homework, carpool, ball games, ball practice, piano lessons, cheer practice, etc etc etc. Even though we proclaimed our love for each other on a daily basis, the sweet little gestures seemed to fall by the wayside. We were in the middle of raising four young children and that took all of our resources. Valentine's Day became a big deal. It was the one day (besides our anniversary) when we made sure we got a sitter, saved money for dinner and perhaps a small gift for each other. Did it mean that we did not love and care for each other the other 364 days of the year? No. Did it mean that we didn't show it in small, simple ways? No, of course we did. But this was the day to do something special, unique.  

My husband didn't always understand how important this was for me. I remember a Valentine's day when he didn't even acknowledge it with a card. I was heartbroken. I was spending all day, everyday, taking care of children, changing diapers, transporting kids to and fro and while I loved my life, I really didn't think it was too much to expect my husband to take that one day and make me feel special.  So, instead of getting mad at him, I just told him. He honestly did not realize that it was important to me and made the effort after that to do something nice.  Usually, it wasn't a big deal, just something small and a card but I loved the message he wrote to me in the card. That was better than any piece of jewelry.

This year he did something completely different. I came home from class Monday night to find a huge Valentine Card on the bed.  Ever day this week he surprised with a little something and it made me feel so loved and special.  And I really appreciated him going to the effort. All in all, it probably didn't cost him more than $25, but for me, it was priceless.

Now, here is why I chose to write about this today.  This is for all the young couples out there who think this day is stupid or unnecessary.  Try not to be so rigid in your thinking.  There will likely come a time when you are so busy, so strapped for time and money that the days of doing special things for each other all the time becomes a distant memory. Be open to the idea that having a day set aside to make a point to express your love, affection and appreciation might not be such a ridiculous concept.  And to the young brides who want their husband to do something on this day, but they don't. TELL THEM! Communicate your expectations and disappointments with  your spouse. I've been a young wife who sat back and saw all these other women being showered with gifts and felt left out; as if I wasn't quite special enough for my husband to make even the smallest gesture for me.  Always remember that our husbands aren't mind readers and they are built different than women. They don't always understand what is going on within us and sometimes they just need some direction.  I have no doubt my husband loved me, but sometimes, he just didn't know how to show it in the way I could receive it.    And if you read this and still are convinced you don't need a day set aside for your spouse to show he loves you, then I am happy for you. But let the rest of us look forward to February 14th!  For some of us, we might not slow down again until then!!

"Mom, he gave me a ticket for a free car wash...I'm not sure what to do."

When our children are little, we look forward to every 'first.'  If at all possible we make sure we are there for the first smile, first laugh, first tooth, first step...first of everything!  If we come home from a long day at work or a short trip to the store and find out that we were absent during a milestone in our child's life, we feel so dejected. This was a once in a life time experience and we missed it! So we fight and maneuver our way to ensure, to the best of our ability, that this doesn't happen. I remember when my oldest was about to lose her first tooth.  I WANTED to be there! I wanted to be the one to pull it.  I sent a note to her teacher and said to please not let her pull her tooth while she was at school. If I went to the store, I made sure my husband knew that I wanted to be there and he better not pull that tooth while I was gone!!  A little obsessive? Yes, I suppose, but I had not missed anything in her life up to that point and I had no intention of starting! Thankfully, I was there when it was time for that wee little tooth to come out and to the best of my recollection, I haven't missed any of the major firsts of any of my four kids. I was able to stay home with them and every time I experienced a new developmental milestone with my children, I realized how incredibly blessed I was.

Time has passed quickly and that little kindergartner who was anticipating her first loose tooth has become a grown woman; a college student with a job, a car, a checking account.  She is independent and smart and fairly self-sufficient. So, I always find it endearing when she encounters something she has yet to experience and needs my assistance. It is for this reason, when I received a phone call from her yesterday telling me that her inspection sticker was expiring in two days and she didn't know what to do, that my heart just kind of melted a little and I couldn't help the smile that took over my face. Of course, I told her I would go with her and show her where to go and what she needed to do. It was a learning experience; she did not have a her updated insurance card so we had to call her dad and have it faxed over and she had a fun time finding her registration in her less-than organized glove compartment! In the end, she learned something new about being an adult. I then took her to a place to have air put in her tires, another first that she has not had to experience.  I left her there and went on my way to run errands and about two minutes later my phone rang. "Mom, he gave me a ticket for a free car wash...but I've never gotten a car wash before, I'm not sure what to do."  Again, a smile broke out across my face and I patiently explained the procedure. She seemed kind of bashful and embarrassed because of her inexperience but I assured her that we all have to have firsts in order to learn new things. By the end of the day, she was empowered in new ways and next time she needs to take care of some simple vehicle maintenance, she will be very capable! Next week we learn about getting an oil change!

Maybe for some of you, these things seem so small. But, when you've never had to do these things, it can seem daunting. As a mother, my goal is to raise independent, self-sufficient, Christian adults who have good work ethic and are an asset to society. That being said, however, it is kind of sweet when a child who thinks they are so grown and so smart and know SOOO much, still come to you for help with things that to us, seem so simple.  So, to add to all the firsts I never missed, first smile, first tooth, first word, I can now add first vehicle inspection, first tire maintenance and first car wash.  The rewards of being a parents are all around us, in small, seemingly insignificant ways perhaps, but if you look for them, they are numerous!!

"Come here mommy...please, just come here for a moment."

Today I spent hours writing a paper that is due on Thursday. For some people, the idea that I am intent finishing a paper that isn't due for two days, may seem odd. However, for me,not having an assignment completed with only two days to spare before an assignment is due is a travesty!!!  I typically have everything written at least a week before the due date, so I was feeling behind and quite frankly, considered myself to be something of a slacker.  For this reason,  when my daughter got home from school, I greeted her briefly and said "I have to finish this and then we can relax tonight," then I went back to my computer. I did feel a modicum of guilt over my hasty retreat from her presence, but in my mind, I had a great excuse.

As I got lost in all the psychobabble bouncing around in my head, I became oblivious to the time and to everything going on around me. Suddenly, my wee girl called to my office and said (rather dramatically) "mommy, come here please!"  I asked her what she wanted as I continued to pound on the keyboard. Again she said "mommy, please come here, I need you to see something!" Once again, I inquired as to the emergency.  After a minute, she walked in and came right up to the desk and took my hand off the keyboard and said "please mommy, please come here."  So I pushed away from my computer, feeling pleased with myself for the way the information was flowing out of me and hoping I didn't lose my momentum, and followed my little redhead through the house, wondering what the emergency was. She guided me to the den,  picked up a blanket from the hallway and walked me right over to the couch and said "sit", so, of course, I sat yet feeling slightly befuddled. She bent over and put my legs on the couch, then crawled on my lap and pulled the blanket over us and laid her head on my chest.  OH MY GOODNESS.  My heart just melted right there in my chest and I squeezed my little girl and just sat.  I did nothing, I said nothing, I just enjoyed the moment.

All of my children are precious and I have enjoyed those types of moments with each of them over the years. But, they are all growing up so fast and while I still spend time with my older three, they have all moved beyond the days of crawling up in my lap for some cuddle time. I am so thankful that my sweet girl had the courage to just come tear me away from my work and remind me what is truly the most important thing in my life.  As I write this, I am sitting with my two youngest, watching an episode of Psych and enjoying the quiet house, the pleasant atmosphere, and laughing with my children.  Having the ability to go to school is a blessing, but these kids...there is nothing like spending time with them. I hope I always remember what is truly important. And if I start to forget, I hope one of you will remind me!

"For Pete's sake Sheila, read your own blog!!"

Christmas is my favorite time of year. I love the magic in the air, the secrets under the tree, the Christmas carols we sing at church, Christmas music blaring from my car stereo, my iPod, my computer.  I love spending so much time with my kids, baking cookies, wrapping presents, shopping, watching every Christmas movie they play on TV. I get so giddy, I even see Christmas cheer in the green and red traffic lights! Nothing gets me down, no one, not the biggest Grinch in the world can dampen my spirit. Therefore, it is really not that much of a surprise that I kind of hate to see it all end. I miss my kids something terrible when the time comes for them to get back on that yellow school bus. I miss my hubby when he has to go back to work. Taking down the tree? That's just a Debbie downer right there!!

While I go through all of these emotions every year, they never last for long. I like the concept of a fresh calendar just waiting to be filled, new adventures I have yet to experience, 365 days of the unknown. All of these things are so exciting to me. So that's why this year it has surprised me at how desperately I clung to the old year and reluctantly drug myself into the new. I didn't even hang my new calendar for five whole days!! A travesty!!!   Typically I look forward to the new school term and am so excited about my new classes and all the interesting things that are waiting to be discovered.  But this year, I felt none of that. No motivation whatsoever. I wanted to just stay home, light candles, wear my fluffy socks and warm pj pants and just become a blob. I was ready to quit school and just become a movie critic or a go into some online business; anything that would allow me to never leave my house.  I wasn't depressed, I just was...well...I hate to say it...LAZY!

Now typically, I would never share these thoughts or feelings with anyone. I am really good at giving myself a kick in the butt when I start to get like that, but yesterday, I was talking to a very good friend, my BFF, if you will.  We were talking about everything and nothing then I found myself telling her how unmotivated I was and how tired I was of being in school and living my life around papers and deadlines; class schedules, leaving my family three nights a week. All of this just came pouring out and my friend started feeding my own material back at me. She told me I just needed to change my perspective; that I am so close to being finished, that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Then she looked at me (via facetime) and said "For Pete's sake Sheila, read your own blog!!"  It shocked me and made me laugh. Who am I to give advice or encourage people if I am not willing to swallow a dose of my own medicine? So I humbly listened to one of my favorite people tell me all the things I've told her and I knew it was time to pull up my boot straps, stop whining and  'get 'er done!"  Yes, I did just say that. I'm so ashamed.

Tonight I had my last class of the week and am happy to say I am feeling slightly (slightly) more motivated than I was last night.  I genuinely enjoyed my classes and am getting slightly (slightly) excited about what I'm going to be learning this quarter. But more importantly I am starting to look forward to the new year. This year my husband turns the big 50.  I am sending my oldest son off to college. My youngest son becomes a teenager! My baby girl starts middle school.  My oldest is already in college and I am sure she will face many changes this year as well. And this time next year, I will be getting ready for graduation.  Yes, this is going to be a great year!! I can feel it in my bones!!! Happy New Year everyone!!!

"Why me mom? Why do I have this great life and she has nothing?"

My little girl got off the bus yesterday and walked in the house with tears streaming down her face. Of course, all of my mommy instincts kicked in and I was ready to take down whatever bully caused such pain to emanate from my daughter.  I immediately asked her what was wrong, was she hurt, did she get in trouble, did someone do something to her. Exasperated, she said "no mom, it's nothing like that."  Then I began to relax and took her to my room and climbed up on the bed with her to listen to her tale. She proceeded to tell me about a little girl who rides the bus with her. The little girl was crying on the bus so my daughter asked what was wrong. This young lady told my girl her life story. Her dad had stabbed her mother and killed her a few years ago. She has a little sister (I think she is in kindergarten), whom she takes care of. They live with their aunt who "doesn't treat them very good," their father is in prison and they never see him.  Bawling, this little girl told my daughter she wanted to spend Christmas with her mommy. That she wanted to be with someone who loved her and cared for her.  After my little girl spilled out this awful, heartbreaking story, tears flooded her beautiful cheeks, she looked at me and said "mommy, why me? Why me mommy? Why do I have this great life and she has nothing? Why do I have a mommy and daddy and presents and people that love me and she has no one?"  

Oh my...let's take a minute and consider this question. So many times we hear the statement "why me?" However, typically, it is because someone is lamenting something that has happened to them; something they are experiencing that seems unfair.  It is rare to hear someone ask the question because they see something unfair and awful happening to someone else, but they remain unscathed.  Is it the childlike innocence that my little girl  still possesses? Is it evidence of an inward beauty and love for others that prompted such a gut wrenching expression of sadness?  I honestly don't know, but it broke my heart and made it swell with pride, all at the same time.  What answer can a mother give to this question? And what can we do? My first instinct was to find the little girl, bring her into my home and give her everything she is missing. However, I recognize this might not be a realistic option.  I took my sweet girl's face in my hands and I told her how much I love her heart and her compassion for others. I told her that all we can do is pray for this little girl every day that God will wrap her in his love and give her what she is missing. That he will help her aunt recognize her sadness and make her feel loved, make her feel special. These things all sounded so trivial as I was saying them, but at this point, they are the best that I have. But I can also teach my sweet baby to recognize all the blessings that we have and never take them for granted. To embrace everyone she loves and appreciate them, even with all their faults.

Last night we took our children out to look at lights in different neighborhoods. I have one child who is "too cool' for such nonsense and really wanted to beg out and spend the evening with his friend. I had another child who was just a little snippy with everyone. Another one whose goal in life is to antagonize those around him and one who was feeling upset to her tummy and thought she was going to puke! At various moments during the evening, I wondered what I was thinking: stuffing all six of us into the truck, riding around neighborhoods where no one had chosen to decorate their yards, trying to make this picture perfect evening with a vehicle filled with imperfect people! Then we found this yard. Oh my!! So big and beautifully decorated, with the lights set to a radio station. We pulled over and for about 7 minutes, the car was filled with the sounds of the Christmas season, the faces of all those I love watched in wonder as the light show amazed and astounded them. For seven brief moments, no one was too cool, no one was bickering, no one was threatening to vomit! For seven brief moments I felt a total and complete peace fill the car.  We reluctantly pulled ourselves away from that lovely home and went to a local pizza joint. Around the table there was lots of laughing and joyful celebration. Together, we cleaned off an exorbitant amount of pizza and I was reminded of  how blessed we all are.  Every family has their issues. Every family is imperfect. Every family has the one that is too cool, the one that likes to argue, the one that is snippy, the antagonist and probably, the nauseated one! But, if you have a family that loves you. If you have a family you love. If you have even seven moments of perfect peace with them, you are blessed beyond measure. There are so many out there who would give their right arm for those seven minutes.   So this Christmas, when you're with your great aunt Gertrude who is driving you crazy, or a dozen other family members who make you want to pull you hair out, take a minute and find something wonderful and amazing in those moments, and say a prayer of thanks! Merry Christmas everyone!!!  May you all have at least seven perfect minutes!!

"...um, no it's fine, you're not bothering me!"

Today I went to the Walmart to do some Christmas shopping and came upon a setup in the middle of an aisle. The bin was full of the little wax melts, which are the latest in olfactory enjoyment this season. There was a woman standing there and I said "oh these are so wonderful!" (I have them all over my house, which of course, I informed her.)  She made the unfortunate mistake of saying "Oh, are they?" Well...what was I to do??? So I explained all the different melting pots they have and the ones that plug into the wall, which are a waste of money. Then I informed her that Kirkland has a lot of different scents that are 'to die for'.  I just went on and on...I don't know what was wrong with me. We all know I like to talk, but this was unusual, ever for me.  At one point, I heard myself babbling and I said "oh, I'm sorry for bothering you, I'm just talking your head off!" To which she unwisely responded "Um...no, it's fine, you're not bothering me."  The "um" should have been a red flag to me, but in the state I am in, positively brimming with Christmas cheer, I remained oblivious to her, what was probably obvious, discomfort!

As I went along my day, from store to store, the story was repeated time and time again. On occasion I found a few people who met my enthusiasm with more of their own.  The women at the Subway where I had lunch were so friendly and cheerful, it was refreshing. And the gentleman at Academy also seemed to be infected with the Christmas Spirit.  However, along the way, I came in contact with a Grinch or two, but I was not to be deterred!  The Christmas season is just too short this year and I cannot contain my excitement!  So, if you live in the Shreveport/Bossier area, and you come across a woman who seems positively maniacal with a festive spirit, please just smile nicely and walk away...otherwise, you may end up standing in the aisle listening to that woman talk your ear off about something you find completely uninteresting! Merry Christmas Everyone!!!

"I've waited my whole life for this day!!"

For any of you who have ever raised a teenage boy, or perhaps were one, you will likely be able to relate with this story.  There are so many things you hear about raising teenagers, but when your children are young, it is IMPOSSIBLE to imagine that your precious angel will ever live up to the experiences your friends have had with their children. Then the day comes and you completely understand. It is like someone turned the light on and you saw the reality of what they were talking about. Oh the horror!!!

In all honesty, having teenagers in the house has been one of the most fun experiences I've had as a parent. However, if you ask my husband, he will vehemently disagree with me. Yes, my little darlings have fallen into so many of the stereotypes I had heard about, but knowing that you are not alone and your child is normal, makes it much easier to swallow. One of the things about raising boys that has astounded me, has been their ravenous appetite. I remember when my 17 year old first starting eating me out of house and home.  I was shocked that someone, who was still quite small, could put away the amount of food he did.  It never ceases to amaze me how we can all sit down to eat together and before I can even get food on my plate and pick up my fork, he has already engulfed his entire meal and is going for seconds! He once had a bunch of his football friends over to spend the night, and the next morning, they had literally raided my fridge and pantry. I was in shock - the next time they came over, I stopped by a pizza place, picked up four,  $5 pizzas and some soda. I was hoping a preemptive strike would save my supplies that were supposed to last two weeks!  While that child has slowed down a little on his consumption, my twelve year old son has just started down the same path.

I just recently noticed that it seems impossible to satisfy his never-ending hunger!  I came home the other day and asked him if he had eaten breakfast! (stupid question, I know)  He eagerly bragged that he had one large microwave sausage, then he had cooked two sausage patties, three fried eggs, toast and a yogurt!!  I was in shock!  It then dawned on me that we were headed down a similar path and that I wasn't quite sure I, or my checking account, was ready for another adolescent boy!  The crowning moment that showed me just how important food has become to this rather twiggy twelve year old, came on Saturday. My husband and I were going out to dinner, so it was just my youngest son and my two girls at home. He asked me what was for dinner and I told him his sisters were going to have some chicken strips and that he was welcome to put in a Tostinos pizza.  He looked at me sheepishly and said "can I have the WHOLE pizza? By myself?"  Now this is a question he has asked before, but I always make him share it with his sister. Since she had chosen something else, I said "Sure, just this once, you can have the whole thing."  The sheer joy that spread across his face was something to be in awe of as he exclaimed with overwhelming excitement "I've waited my whole life for this day!!!"   Really? A whole pizza?  Poor kid...who would have guessed I had been depriving him of a lifelong dream!

"Why do you love her more than me?" Said no dog ever! (I hope!)

As I told you in my introduction, we have more dogs than I am comfortable admitting to, however, while it may seem impossible, we love them all to death! They are all very spoiled and well taken care of. That being said, I have to remind my children that they are still dogs and do not have the same privileges we enjoy. They can't eat at the dinner table with us, sorry. They can't eat our food and they're not allowed on the furniture.  Now the latter rule is more recent and has met with some resistance from both the two-legged members of the family and the four-legged ones. Our previous set of furniture was more than a decade old and had holes in it and was basically, in extreme disrepair. The dogs were allowed on that couch. But now, I have a beautiful new set of leather furniture which, if one of the dogs even THINKS about approaching, affords them with a look that would wither a military general!  They seem to be adjusting well, but there is one little exception to the rule.

The exception is a little four pound black angel whose name is Jill. She is mine and mine alone. Jill can do no wrong and is denied nothing, basically.  I should, perhaps, feel a little bad for showing favor for one of my pets over the other, but I can say with total certainty, I do not.  I got her when she was six weeks old; she was the mate for my Yorkie Jack. Jack was my baby until he was hit by a car a few years ago. After that fateful day, Jill and I became best pals. As I write this blog, she is nestled beside me with her head on my leg. I do wonder sometimes though, if the other dogs notice the discrepancy in the treatment. When they look at me with those big brown eyes, are they thinking "Why do you love her more than me?"  Do they cry in their beds at night feeling as if they are less of a dog than Jill is?  Are they secretly plotting among themselves, my demise?  I wonder...

As a mother, I work VERY hard to ensure that I do not show favoritism for one child over the other. However, every now and then, one of my children will accuse me of such. Sometimes the older ones think the we are easier on the younger ones than we were on them. Other times, we're accused of punishing the little ones less than we punished the older ones. Many times I hear that the little ones have more privileges than the older ones had at the same age. From time to time, one will say that I spend more time with one of the younger ones than I spend with them.   On the flip side of the coin, the little ones will accuse me of favoring the older ones and 'taking their side' on a regular basis.   I've even been accused of letting the older ones get away with things they would never get away with.

While these accusations might seem like just adolescent dramatics, I always spend a few moments alone thinking about my actions, going over things and making sure I was fair. A wise friend once said to me "when someone accuses you of something, take a moment and sit with it and see if there is any truth. If there is truth, change it and if there isn't, then just let it go."  That advice has been so helpful to me both in friendships, in my marriage and as a mother. Sometimes, I'm accused of something and after careful introspection, I find there is some truth in it. While it is always disappointing, it gives me the opportunity to grow and improve myself.

One thing I do know as a mother, is that many of the things my children see as unfairness or disparity in treatment,  will someday look much different when applying an adult perspective. I rely on that knowledge to get me through some tough moments.  Another aspect of this, which I try to express to my older children, is that when they were little, we were just starting out on the journey of parenting. There was no rule book, no instruction manual.  Most of the time, we were flying by the seat of our pants and making it up as we went along.  Did we make mistakes? Yes! Were we too hard on the older ones when they were younger? Yes, I think at the time, we were.  Were we doing the best we could with the information we had? Absolutely!  I can't go back and undo the past but I can learn from my mistakes and failures and try to not repeat them.

One thing I know for certain.  Each of my children are amazing and will forever hold a piece of my heart. None of them will ever know how much I love them or what I would give for them.  Now...as for the dogs, yeah, Jill is my girl. There is no question.  Yes, she gets better treatment and I don't apologize for that. And the reason I can get away with this with my dogs and not my children...my dogs don't choose my nursing home!

"You're rich! You've got two different kinds of chips and one dad!"

While watching a show today with my little girl, I heard a statement that really made me think. The premise of the show is a family with three children who barely make ends meet. Their dishwasher can only run while the blow dryer is going, the washing machine is closed with duct tape and the roof leaks. This family never has two nickels to rub together. Then there is another family on the block. We don't know a lot about their financial situation, we just know that the kids are dirty and unruly and the mom is a little on the iffy side. In this particular episode the oldest daughter came in touch with the oldest son of the other family. At one point during the dialogue, the boy says to the girl "you're so rich!"  Astounded at this statement she inquired as to why he thought they were rich and he said "You've got two different kinds of chips and one dad!"  That made me think...how do we define wealth? Is it strictly financial? Or, is it possible that there is a wealth that goes beyond dollar signs.

In the past my children have asked me if we were rich and sometimes they ask me if we're poor.  The first question comes typically the first time they see me write a check or pay an enormously large grocery bill. The second question, I actually get more often and almost always after I have denied them something they believe they "need" but I am quite certain is just a want. I also get that question after they have been to the house of a friend whose TV is bigger than ours or has more than one video gaming system or has their very own iPhone!

I can't help but smile after they inquire as to our financial status that inhibits them acquiring the same 'toys' their friends have.  There are people in the world who would look at us and think we're just poor white trash! Until yesterday my living room furniture had holes in it, my television is only 32 inches, my front porch has spider webs and the white siding on my house needs to be professionally power washed. Then there are people who might think we are rolling in the dough. I drive a Camaro, my house is quite big, my children each have their own room and I just got new living room furniture.  It is all about perspective, isn't it?  Those who have more than us, might think we are lower than them while people who don't have as much as we do, might label us 'rich.'

   My husband and I have reached a point in our life that we are comfortable. We have been blessed in many ways, not the least of which is a job that allows us financial stability. However, there have been many years in our marriage when we did not have the income we have today, but did that make us any less blessed?  There were years when we had one car because we could not afford the insurance or gas for two. Years when we didn't have cable and when the thought of internet access in our home was merely a dream.  I have been the coupon queen, I have counted my pennies and made us live on a strict budget. But...were we poor? We never sat by the bedside of a child and watched them suffer. We never lost our house in a fire. We never struggled through the pain of divorce.   I think that financial blessings are only one facet of the ways in which we are enriched in our lives. I have been given four beautiful children who have never suffered any major physical or emotional problem. My husband and I have been married 22 years and still love each other and have a good time together. I have been given the ability to go back to school and get an education. Our kids are smart and funny and love the Lord and desire to live by the values and morals we have raised them with. We have great friends and family that we love. Our blessings are too numerous to count and many of them have nothing to do with how much money we make.

As we go through this Christmas season, maybe we could all take stock of the riches we have that are not related to our checkbook. Some of you might be dealing with a great loss, some might have lost their jobs and are struggling financially, some may be dealing with health concerns. No matter what you are going through, are there things in your life that you can be thankful for? Is there anyone who loves you and cares about you? Is there anyone you love? Do you have a bed to sleep in? A car to drive?  Do you have two different kinds of chips and one dad?  Maybe you just need a change in perspective...

For all my angels in Heaven...

September 5, 1999 I was three months pregnant with my third baby.  I went to the doctor because I was spotting and we found out the baby had died. It was a TERRIBLE day...absolutely horrible. The worst day in my life up to that point, only to be succeeded by another heartbreaking miscarriage March 11, 2002. At the time of this miscarriage, I had already had another baby and the miscarriage happened on his first birthday.  The second loss was much harder than the first. I was experiencing anger in a way I had never experienced. I don't think I even cried - I felt like if I cried, I would never stop.  So I just got mad.

When I lost the first baby, my little girl was only four. She was so devastated, she already had a little brother and was really hoping for a sister.  Telling her was quite possibly the most difficult thing I have ever done. She cried like her heart was broken. We let her name that baby and she chose Alice Rose. I don't know if it was a girl or not, but she was very certain it was a sister.  The second baby I lost, I couldn't even name. The anger and hurt was so much bigger. I had been a little farther along and had seen and heard the heartbeat a couple of times.  There was nothing as big as my pain.

The Christmas of  '99, I purchased an ornament for the baby we lost. It is a beautiful replica of baby Jesus in a manger.  We started a tradition that year; it was the first ornament we put on the tree then we held hands and prayed. We thanked God for those few months we had with our unborn child, we thanked him for the ones that he has blessed us with and thanked him for all of his blessings, even when at times, it is hard to see beyond the pain.  Over the years, we have stuck to that tradition and while I can barely get through the prayer without tears, it has brought me such peace and healing.  As our other children have come along, we have explained the significance of this ornament. We tell them about the children we have in Heaven and that someday, we'll get to meet them.  As the years have passed, we have added to the list of loved ones who have gone one.  Both of the babies I mentioned before, and my third son had a twin that died very early in pregnancy are a part of the prayer now.  Several years ago, my husband's baby brother died and now he is part of that time of remembering.

The past few months, I have seen several of my Facebook friends experience the devastating loss of someone very close to them. Two of my friends have lost children, another one lost her brother and another sweet friend lost her husband.  My heart aches for them every day because while I have experienced loss, I have never experienced one so deep.   Today, on the cusp of the Christmas season, I think of all of those that I know and even families across the nation who will struggle to get through the holidays due to overwhelming grief and sadness. Today I lift them up in prayer, hoping they can find a modicum of the peace that I have found.  If you have lost someone, maybe a special tradition or ornament dedicated to them will allow you to feel as if they are part of your celebration.  Those we love and lost would want us to remember them with love and celebrate their memories.  Today this blog is dedicated to them and to all my angels in Heaven.  Remember my sweet babies, momma will always love you!

...there I was, in my furry socks, dancing around like a fool...

This morning a beautiful little redhead made her way downstairs looking like she had lost her best friend. This wee little girl has had several disappointments in the last few days. We were supposed to get new furniture delivered, then the house flooded. We always put our Christmas tree up the day after Thanksgiving, but with the imminent repairs, we will have to put our decorating on hold for an undetermined amount of time.  And my sister was supposed to come for Thanksgiving but called last night to say that her boss (the horrible killer of dreams) decided everyone had to work on Black Friday.  My sweet baby was really looking forward to seeing her aunt and this was just the last straw! Last night she just bawled like a baby and apparently, this morning, the disappointment and sadness was still very present in her little heart.

Knowing that today was going to be difficult for her, I made her favorite breakfast: homemade waffles with hot syrup, as much bacon as she wanted and chocolate milk (out of the jug). But nothing could dry up the tears and put a smile on that beautiful face. As I was patiently trying to get her to talk, she began to rant. About everything! And about how unfair it was. Then she started to cry and said "Why can't Aunt D come? and why did the house have to flood and why does this have to happen right before Christmas?" And that's when I saw an opening. I said to her "well, we can be grateful it WASN'T Christmas time. Thankful that we didn't have the tree up and presents around it. Can you imagine how awful that would have been?"  Nothing. I got nothing out of her. She was not buying my Pollyanna Thankful routine.  Then I remembered the verse in the Bible that says "A merry heart doeth good like a medicine" so I decided to do one of the things I am GREAT at! Act like an idiot and make her laugh. I tried jokes - no dice. I tried tickling - if looks could kill.  Before I knew it, there I was in the kitchen, wearing my sweats and furry socks, dancing around like a fool...dancing like no one was watching and the next thing I knew, I heard a slight chuckle and looked over at her. She had her hands covering her mouth so tightly, trying not to laugh at me.  It was AWESOME!  I danced even more and started singing in my most terrible voice and before she or I knew what was happening, she could not contain her laughter.  It was a great moment between us and a great lesson.

As adults, we don't always like it when things do not go according to plan. We want to complain, some people actually do, but many people recognize the futility of that and just do what needs to be done. However, young children aren't always capable of seeing the bright side of a situation or the fact that getting really upset or angry is not going to change anything.  These are lessons that we as parents are responsible for teaching them. Show them there are still reasons to be grateful, even when they aren't very apparent. Show them there are reasons to smile, even when it feels like everything is falling apart.  Teach them to count their blessings - even if in that moment, they seem few.  Now...I need to get off here. I promised a certain little girl to do some baking with her.

May you all find many reasons to be Thankful this week and may you have a smile in your heart! Even if it means you have to dance like a fool to find it!  :)

Oh, you mean you DIDN'T want a pool in your living room?

When I started this blog, I did not have an agenda; there was no theme or plan as to how this was going to go. I just started writing; sharing with you things going on in my life and what I learned from them. Take for example my blog on marriage, when I wrote that, my husband and I were getting along famously. Of course, a few days later, things were not as rosy as before. Yet, every time I found myself getting irritated at little things, I remembered my own words I had previously written and realized that in order to be transparent and honest with you, I needed to make sure I was "doing as I say."  It really helped me get through a couple of rough days! It made me realize that the way I react to him and circumstances in my life are an example to others, even if it is only my own children. I once heard a quote "adversity doesn't build character, it reveals it." That has become my favorite quote and one I try to live by...and this past weekend, I had lots of opportunities...
Thursday I came home from a day of running errands, getting groceries, etc. I was tired and had a headache and realized I had about an hour and a half before my first little minion got off the bus, so I dropped my purchases in the hall and made a beeline for my bed intending to take, what I thought, was a well-earned nap!   Approximately 20 minutes later a strange noise woke me up. From the moment I opened my eyes, I knew something was incredibly wrong. I ran into the living room to find water literally pouring from the AC vent in the ceiling.  I ran upstairs, unsure of what disaster awaited me and from the steps could hear the water exploding in the little room that houses my hot water heaters.  I opened the door and one of the heaters was spewing scalding hot water into the air, all over the room and draining down through the floor into the living room below.  I frantically tried to find a cutoff valve on the heater but was unsuccessful.  I then ran down, searching for my phone to call my husband.  I wasn't in panic mode but I was frantic to turn off the water. Gallons of water were flooding the space between my top and bottom floor and the ceiling in my living room was already leaking in several places.  It took me approximately 20  minutes to find the cutoff valve by the street, find the wrench to turn it and then actually get the water turned off! The entire time my husband was the picture of calm; talking to me in a quiet voice, guiding me through the procedure. He was so serene, I really did not think he grasped what was happening in my home. In the face of my fearful (not) panic, he remained completely composed, infuriatingly together!
 My husband works about 45 minutes from our house, but I think he must have broken the sound barrier because it certainly does not seem like it took him that long to get there. By the time he arrived, he had already contacted a plumber and the insurance company. I had used every towel in the house trying to salvage my wood floor and my furniture and electronics - the place was a disaster area.  He walked in and we immediately started moving furniture and doing major clean up. Our children started straggling in from school and immediately started pitching in to help out. By eight o'clock that night, the disaster relief people had come and gone, pizza had been ordered and things were finally starting to calm down. It was about this time I noticed my husband was still in his uniform; gun and badge still on his belt. He had worked all day and come home to such chaos and just did what needed to be done. There were several moments during that evening when someone was mad at someone else, and tempers flared, but, that is to be expected when there is so much happening and people are on edge. But overall, we worked well as a team and got through a very difficult day. Many times that night, I thought about how thankful I am to have a husband who just jumps in and takes care of business. I'm also thankful for kids who have been taught good work ethic and knew that we needed them and were more than willing to do what needed to be done. And I'm incredibly thankful for good insurance - it is such a relief to know that all of the damage will be repaired at little cost to us.  So, while a pool in my living room wasn't exactly the way I planned on kicking off the holidays, it gave us all an opportunity to find new ways to be grateful!

Doesn't the Admiral know you get off at 5???

Years ago, when we were first married, my husband was a photo journalist in the Navy. We were living in Norfolk, Virginia at the time; a small apartment, one car and a dog. We knew we were only going to be there a few months before our next set of orders so we did nothing to remedy the 'one car' issue, therefore, I did not have the ability to get a job.  I spent my days cleaning, cooking, watching TV, reading (a lot) and playing with my puppy. I waited with bated breath for the end of the day when he would pull into the parking spot right beside our ground-floor apartment.  It was a 45 minute drive from the base to our home and he always arrived at 5:45.  It was the best time of my day and I looked forward to it with great anticipation.  One day, however, 5:45 came and went. I thought perhaps there had been more traffic than usual...so I waited.  And waited. And waited.  Finally, after a couple of hours, he showed up.  I had been so worried (this was before the days of cell phones) - I imagined him lying by the side of road, dead.  When he finally arrived, I felt an incredible sense of relief and then overwhelming frustration. I didn't understand why he was alive, yet so late.  He just nonchalantly said to me "sorry I'm late, the admiral was in town."  The admiral? So? I didn't get it. I looked at him and said "doesn't the admiral know you get off at 5?"   He just laughed...and laughed.  Befuddled and slightly impatient, I did not understand what was so humorous. He explained to me that when an admiral is in town and wants something done, you do it. No questions asked. I was quite offended that this admiral took my husband away from me. Over the years, I grew to understand the military life from the spouse perspective and became more patient with these types of situations.

As a wife, it is never easy to share our husband with the rest of the world. After 20 years in the military, my husband retired and went to work with our local sheriff department. For the most part, his hours are amazing.  He is the public information officer, which is basically five days a week, from 8 AM to 5 PM.  This past week, however, we had a big situation take place in our community and my honey has been working around the clock. One night he got in at 2 AM, another night, it was around 10 PM.  His phone has rang incessantly.  I have been very patient and understanding, grasping the enormity of the event and giving him the support and encouragement to do whatever he needed to do.  But last night, he got home in time for dinner but then his phone rang. We ended up eating without him again as he sat in the driveway responding to media queries and putting out little fires. He finally got inside and I heated up his dinner once again and got it all ready and his phone rang.  I kind of lost my cool. The longer he was on the phone, the more frustrated I became. I have not seen him in days, we have barely spoken two words to each other.  I had just about enough.  When he finally was finished, and we heated up his meal for the third time, I was trying to contain my irritation, but eventually it bled out into the conversation. I got snippy with him and ruined our first evening together in over a week.  

It's a horrible enemy, this jealousy bug. I allowed it to consume me for a little while and neglected to tell my husband how incredibly proud I am of him. That I recognize  how he selflessly gives himself to his job and community when they need him. He is patient and kind when he's dealing with reporters and family members.  He is ethical and above reproach.  He may not leap tall buildings in a single bound, but he is still a hero in my eyes and I love him.  If you have a husband (or wife) today that gives of themselves every day for other people, take a moment and tell him (or her) how proud you are of them. Even heroes need to know they're appreciated!!

How to be married...and happy!!

Yesterday on my Facebook, I asked people what they thought it takes to stay married. In a time when the divorce rate is 50%, it makes me wonder what is different between the two halves.
In my quest for various perspectives on this question, I found what I expected.  People talked about communication being the key. You must talk to each other about everything. Never go to bed angry. Keep the Lord first in your marriage and keep a strong personal relationship with him. There was also a conversation about intimacy and how important it is to keep the spark alive. One lady spoke of complacency and how it is a threat to marital bliss. Still others spoke of friendship and how important it is to be best friends with your mate. How vital it is to truly love the other person with an unselfish, sacrificial love.  I LOVED all of these responses and I agreed with them wholeheartedly.  And I feel like through the years, my husband and I have implemented all of these in an attempt to make sure we keep our marriage exciting and permanent.  However...in this blog, I want to go in a different direction. No, not murder. 

Before I go on, let me say that I know that everything I am about to say does not necessarily work for every marriage. Whenever there is infidelity or abuse, that is a whole other animal. Then you are dealing with a very wounded marriage and it may take greater strides in order to keep it going. I am a big advocate for counseling (which is a good thing considering my imminent career!) and think that having an unbiased third party give you an objective perspective can be very helpful.  I also feel it prudent to say that I do not know everything. Surprised?  Well, I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but I am so completely flawed and imperfect and if you don't believe me, ask my husband. I am sure he'll be happy to fill you in!!  However, I just want to share some practical things that have worked for me. 

First of all...who can I change?  Let me tell you this, I cannot change HIM. I have tried and I have failed! He is immovable!!  It dawned on me several years ago, I can only change me. I can't change the things he does that drive me crazy but I can control the way I react to those things. Even though we are both Christians and love the Lord and are on the same plane in so many areas, when I find myself always waiting on him, it is easy to forget my spiritual values and much easier to get mad at him.  When I learned this trick a few years ago, it really was a huge relief for me. And I learned some tricks, like when I make plans, I automatically give him twenty extra minutes. Sneaky, yes. Does it work? Yes.  Does it make things more peaceful? Yes.  Fabulous, problem solved! 

Another area that I struggle with is  letting things build up. We do communicate, boy do we communicate. We both like to talk so there is rarely a quiet moment around here. However, I don't like conflict or fighting and I never wanted to be a nag. So when he would do things I did not like, I try to just keep my mouth shut and let it go.  Well sometimes, after weeks and weeks of things just building up, I wake up one day and just want to smack him. Yes, I know, it's horrible and awful and you will probably just stop reading because you've discovered my dark side! But it's true. It's real life! So I realize that suddenly I have all of this frustration built up and I feel like I would be happier by myself.  I might even daydream about having that big ol' bed all to myself...then I realize how ridiculous I am being. The grass is never greener on the other side...it just depends on which way the light is shining. Sometimes you need to change your perspective.  When I find myself feeling very negative about my husband, I start listing all the things about him that are good.  It's not that difficult, everyone has good aspects, although, admittedly, sometimes you have to dig!!  Once I start listing his attributes, I start thinking of other things I like about him, then eventually the things I love about him. When you are really upset, it might help to actually write these things on paper! Makes them more real. 

Another thing that helps me is simple kindness. A couple of weeks ago, I was in the "put a pillow over his face while he's sleeping" phase.  I don't really like myself when I get like that and one evening I started to do something nice for him, just something simple that I do all the time, and I made the conscious choice to NOT do it. He never even realized one way or the other but I did. I knew what I had done and it tortured my soul.  Sometimes in marriage, we get so used to the other person being there. Sometimes we're kinder to people we don't even know than we are to our own spouse.  The next day I made a point to do at least one nice, unexpected thing for him. When I do this, it makes him smile and I love it when he smiles and when he's happy. It in turn makes me want to do more things for him that will elicit the same reaction. Before I know it, the negative feelings have all but faded away. 

We decided 22 years ago when we got married, that this was forever; good or bad, we were in it for the long haul. Over those years, I've always said to myself  "you're going to be with him forever, you can be happy or you can be miserable!"  There can't be an out, there can't be an exit clause.  It is a commitment, a promise, a covenant. We always said we would never even use the word divorce. My husband honored that promise, I, on the other hand, have on occasion thrown it out there. But my husband, who is a great man, always immediately said "we don't say that...it's not an option!"   And he's right...it can NEVER be an option. 

You will notice, not one of these strategies have anything to do with what he needs to do or what I need from him.  I can only control myself. But I am here to tell you, if we work on ourselves and we become the best spouse we can become, we will likely find what we are missing. There are so many other things I could tell you, so many thoughts and feelings I have on this subject and maybe, I'll revisit this topic. For right now, this is really long and my little chickens need to get their chores done and get in bed and for some reason I have never understood, when I'm sitting on my booty, they think they should be sitting on their booty!!  Time to crack the whip!!  (Metaphorically...calm down!)  :)  

Hi, I'm Sheila Davis and I like to talk.

Well...I'm finally doing it. At the coercion of several friends and my husband, I have decided to start a blog.  At first, it seemed like genuine interest in what I had to say. I thought perhaps they wanted me to start a blog so they could enjoy more of my rapier wit!  Maybe, my countless nuggets of wisdom are so enthralling, they are just clamoring for more. However, the more I think about it, the more I'm convinced that they are really just hoping that if I start a blog, it will put a stop to my never-ending Facebook statuses. Statuses that, apparently, take up an entire screen on the iPhone.  My response to that? Get an Android, screens are bigger and they won't have that problem!!  

So let me introduce myself.   My name is Sheila Davis. I am...what am I? I am a mother - of four. I am a wife - of one.  I am a sister - to three sisters. I am a college student - of six years. Yes, you read that right! I am in my sixth year of college, my second of Graduate school. I am majoring in counseling psychology. I have six months left of course work before I start my internship. Nine months of that and I become a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC).  I someday want to have a private practice here in our little town. 

I married at 19 to a Navy man. We've moved all over the world and have now settled in the south. Our kids, are of course, perfect. I mean. Please.  As if I needed to tell you that.  Aren't everyone's kids perfect? And wonderful? And geniuses?  I'm joking of course, our kids are wonderful, but they aren't perfect, they're smart, but not a genius among them. They're adorable...yeah, that one is 100% correct.  They are all good looking kids. But, it is possible that I am biased. 

As I have reached this point in my life, I find myself with so much to say. I have an opinion on...wait for it...wait for it...EVERYTHING!  I have been married 22 years on the 22nd of this month. I have a daughter who is a sophomore in college, a son who is a senior in high school, a 7th grade son and a 5th grade daughter. We have more dogs than I am comfortable admitting to and that is primarily my fault. I am a sucker for a puppy. And that's my only defense. I have learned quite a bit about marriage in the last 22 years and I've learned a thing or two about being a parent in the last two decades as well. Although, I do not know quite as much about parenting as my older children do, but I'm hoping (fingers crossed) that someday, I'll be as smart as they are. 

I am also a Christian and that is the most important thing about me. I was raised in a Christian home and accepted Jesus as my Savior when I was ten years old.   I trust him implicitly. I believe in him without reservation.  I love him unequivocally.  It is my faith in him that has molded me into the woman, mother, wife, student, person that I am today.  

I am also a conservative. Yes, I said it.  I am a Conservative Republican. But that doesn't mean I think all Republicans are right or even good, nor do think that all Democrats are bad or corrupt. I think that is pretty  even across the aisle.  I pretty much have an opinion on anything political. However, I don't always know what I'm talking about.  I do like to think that I am open minded - but not so open minded my brain falls out.

So that sums me up.  I hope you will come back frequently to see what I'm yammering about. I can't promise you'll learn a lot, but I promise to try to entertain you. I can't promise you'll always agree with me, but I do promise to respect and value your opinion if it is different than mine.  

Next topic of conversation....Marriage...You KNOW you can't wait to see what I have to say about that! :)